The Corniest, Cheesiest Food and Farm Jokes on the Internet

The World Wide Web offers a wide world of wittiness, from eye roll-inducing dad jokes to lowbrow smut. And within the Google-verse is more food- and farm-themed humor than you might imagine. Here’s our curated selection of those that tickled the Modern Farmer funny bone.

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
(AgDaily)

How did the organic vegetable die?
Natural causes.
(Upjoke)

I witnessed one of my students pick up a calf’s tail and immediately kiss the calf directly under the base of the tail.
I asked, “What are you doing that for?”
“I’ve got chapped lips,” was his reply.
“Well, that won’t cure them,” I said sternly.
“No, sir, but it keeps me from licking them.”
(The Farming Joke Book)

An environmentalist friend of mine told me I should buy organic because it’s sustainable.
I looked at my bank account, and I really disagree.
(Upjoke)

Grow your own dope, plant a man.
(Garden Digest)

What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?”
(Huffington Post)

What is the difference between organic fried chicken and GMO fried chicken?
It’s CRISPR.
(Upjoke)

Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don’t lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
(Garden Digest)

If you pickle a loaf of bread, is it a dill-dough?
(Scoop Whoop)

A TV-crew is sent to interview a farmer before the election.
“Could you please share with our viewers, how has the past year been for you?”
“Well, you know I can’t complain. I had a very good harvest of wheat, so my family definitely won’t go hungry. My vegetable patches brought in amazing organic crops, I was able to sell those at a good profit. And most of my pig sows have had large litters of piglets, and that’s great!”
“So would you like to express your gratitude to the President and his administration for your success?”
“Why the hell should I? Me and my family tended the land, fertilized it, put sweat and blood into it, the crops were a direct result of our hard work!”
“Well surely you have to give some credit to the President!”
“Yeah, if I think about it, I am not directly responsible for the piglets… If he wants to take credit for that, who am I to say it wasn’t him?”
(Upjoke)

Being a farmer isn’t for everyone, but hay, it’s in my jeans.
(Jokes for Farmers)